All it takes is one mistake to change a person huh? I really miss the way he used to be back then. Instead of the jerk he is today. Nowadays, I just ask myself why am I still around? Shouldn't I be off with someone else? Possibly having a better time than I am now? Crying myself to sleep isn't just a once in awhile thing anymore, but rather yet, it's becoming a routine. It hurts so much to let him go. Then in return, it's causing so much pain to keep him around. Maybe my friend was right, that I'm just causing myself more pain and grief. Both of which I shouldn't have to be dealing with right now.
What's really bothering me is that I don't know if he's just using my mistake as an excuse to talk to others. I really should of let it go at the time. But as blind as I was, I thought things would return to normal. I am one stupiddddd human being.
So I sent him a message yesterday.. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to live up to the things I've promised. They're just too hard. Is he really worth going through all this for? Am I really happy inside? Or am I still indecisive? Am I really willing to share him?

Gosh.
I can't fucken sleep for more than 6 hours nowadays.

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As soon as I get to this page and start to blog, I forget what I was gonna blog about. So a bit earlier my friend told me a story of him and his ex. While I was listening, I was like wow that's amazing. It's amazing how two people who are completely in love came to their senses and decided that since they were still young they should take the opportunity to be with other people. Yes at first I was wondering "what if one falls on love with another person? What will happen to the promise then?" But he told me that no matter how much they loved their significant other at the time, him and his ex were still madly in love. That his love for her far exceeds the love he will have for anyone else. As surprised as I was, I asked him another question, "so you're gf at the time didn't matter?" In response he replied, that he did love the gf at the time, but he loved his ex more. To add more detail, him and his ex were already planning to get married an have kids.
But they were just laying it off until they both feel that it's the right time to commit to each other.
He's complicated. But I admire the fact that he's stuck to one girl for so long. Gah. I can't sleep. :(

Sent from my iPod

Random..

Prove me wrong.
You're just a douche.
I fucken hate them.
Cheating stupid liars.
It's all about the money isn't it?

What's the one category that I fall under?
I'd rather not fail to understand your stupid games.
But better yet, understand them and walk on them not in them. =]

Was it a mistake to ask him that?
Why was I shaking?
The feeling was soo intense.
It's unexplainable.

Lying decieving people can all go to hell.
Manipulating bastards?
Those bitches can get eaten by lions.
Preferrably get ran over by a train.

Why is the weather so uninviting?
Pessimistic. Optimistic.
LMFAO. ^-^

Random visits?
I'd like them. =D
Take me somewhere.

That dream..
Oh dang.
Lets hope mine doesn't come true.
^-^

That's the end of it.
Cuz my uncle is staring.
>.<

Goddamn it why do I feel like crying?

Sent from my iPod

So this week so far has been a blast. On Monday was the finals of eagles invitational then afterwards was the asb banquet. I was super fat at the restaurant. :) thank god it was a buffet. Chinastar was good stuff. As for the eagles invitational, we took second thanks to the stupid aggressive net players. -___- but oh well they did deserve it. Team caramel still pwns.
Tuesday was let's finish ap hw day. It was depressing but at least I got to hit with him. That's the only highlight of the day. Oh and my dad talks too much about work. I can care less!! And I don't like her because she's too pretty. :(
Today was the last pep rally. Mainly held for the seniors. :( setting up was tiring but as far as I know, everyone said it went well. We need blue tape!!! Rosalie was our lifesaver. Senior rise brought tears to my eyes even if I didn't like some of them. WHEN I SAY TWENTY YOU SAY TEN! Gah!! Current juinors needed to get on the mic. Jerking.. Hmmmph it disgusted me how everyone got into it. :( it's the most horrible dance ever! And now I'm procrastinating. I don't want to finish this essay. :(
Tomorrow is our one year. Then rainforest cafe.
:)
Crap! Senior portraits.. There goes my money. :/

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I feel so stupid for exaggerating over something like that. I shouldn't be jealous of her. Except I feel like I have competition. There's definitely something wrong.

Sent from my iPod

WHOOO!

Four more dayss.
FOUR MORE FUHHREAKEN DAYS.
I love you.
^-^

I'm gonna get that FOUR point ONE.

=D

So happy. There's nothing to hide.
I've moved on from the past.
I don't believe I'll ever fall for someone like that again.
He's a great friend.
But just proved to me that college means a fresh start.
Forget the rest.
Forget the promises.
They don't mean anything anymore.
Good luck my friend.


I need GATSBY.
Thanks bye!